Selfishness meets Humility
I would love to spare sharing the intensity of the Pain, but this is not the time to shelter you from the human experience. The experiences I have experienced are still frightful in the back of my mind. The feelings are akin to being shot in the Face and Fucked over at the same time. (Big Ouch!) This type of Pain can’t be numbed.
The Bottom of a Bottle won’t help. Drugs will not help and neither will Sleep. (Unless it’s Death) Even within this realm, I think the pain crosses over and travels with you. I think this type of Pain causes restless souls in search of a Peace that never comes. This Pain causes the psyche to break in those that don’t have the comfort of GOD or Prayer. (Really you need both)
I apologize and beg for your forgiveness, that I share this, but I really must release this from my soul. This Pain burns like an unrelenting fire on tender flesh. Unfortunately, I have felt this pain before. (Thank you, GOD, for my sanity) Your Mother only loves you because you buy her things and give her money! I cried for three days after that comment. The utter cruelty of the statement, from someone that is of your flesh. Someone who is supposed to love and nurture you. Someone that you as a child looks to for emotional love and support. The person that is supposed to be your light.
What is really daunting is that this will set you up for a life of abuse. Abuse is drawn to you, because the hurt is like blood in the water for the sharks in this life. The soul suckers and dream crushers on the loose preying on the vulnerable. Souls so dark they resemble the void in a black hole as they suck stars out of the universe. Every word from their lips is an exercise in selfish narcissism meant to destroy the spirit. Words that burn like acid on the soul.
Now I get to pick up the pieces and Pray away the pain. Because the preface is that they said, Me the Selfish one. When a person tells you who they are believe them — Quote (Maya Angelou) Why not have a conversation with this person, correct? The key word is selfish!!!
(Definition of selfish
1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others)-Merriam Webster Dictionary
These types of people only look to use. That is their birthright in a mind so unconsciously disturbed. You will not find an answer or emotional support. They will grind your heart and soul up, afterwards eat it in your presence. Better to slide down a sharp razor blade and land in alcohol, then to expect care.
I am on the other side now. I have made a deposit into healing. The cathartic release of writing gives a required release from pain. This is the intersection when humility beats selfishness and we get to breathe.